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01 October 2015 @ 04:09 am
are you ready for this?

so i graduated boston university with a BA in history and a minor in muslim studies in may 2014, cum laude, gpa of 3.6something. hurrah! i then moved back home and languished in the typical post-grad unwinding and joblessness for longer than i care to admit... which is to say very close to a whole year. i'd like to say that i did a lot of significant things during that year but uh... that would be a lie. being out of school and back home wasn't (and isn't) the best environment for me. i always feel lackluster and too dependent on my parents when i'm home, and being stuck here took a toll on my personal happiness and productivity!! a slump year for sure. i DID take the GRE twice in 2014 before deciding i would wait to apply in 2015 so i could have time to do practical things like work and get a driver's license.

but on a more positive note, let's see... i shifted fandoms from homestuck and hetalia to haikyuu!! (there seems to be a trend with h's here >__>) and continued my roleplaying hobby in the indie hq rp comm on tumblr! that was 6 months of really lovely interaction. it was a refreshing change from the closed aph rings i was coming out of which were beginning to brew more and more drama instead of fun.

a year in and the hq comm isn't as shiny as it was before. i've lost my fair share of rp partners to them moving fandoms and general drifting apart, but it still feels like an invaluable experience! i keep in contact with a small group of folks over on twitter too. i use twitter too much. waaay more than tumblr, my procrastination tool of choice in undergrad. it's slowly replacing skype and messengers for me although i miss using msn-type windows and whatnot for 1x1 interactions. i need to add more people on line and talk to them personally...

AH! i've also started writing fanfiction and publishing them on ao3! the first fic i ever published was one easter morrow (jackrabbit) on fanfiction, but i've long forgotten that pw. now i post on ao3 under the username harklights. i participated in saso 2015 (sports anime shipping olympics) too. everyone joined ship teams and collaborated to produce fanworks in different rounds. teams won points by posting prompts and fills! there were, i think, seven or eight bonus rounds and two main rounds. the bonus rounds were all fun to do! main rounds were tough because our abemiha team wasn't the closest. some members rarely participated and never helped out with main round things. but it was a positive experience in my books and i might join more fan writing events like that! ...actually, i contributed to hqrarepairweek with an ennotana fic but i never finished that fic. it got a good reception though so i'm eager to get another chapter up eventually!

i still consider septermber a fresh year even though i'm not at school anymore so!! i'm going to talk as if it's the beginning of something. right now i'm in the middle of graduate school applications Round 2. i want to take the GRE for a third time to get my quantitative reasoning score up to something that's not as dismal as the 140s. it's be awesome to maintain or increase my verbal reasoning and analytical writing scores up a few points too, but as long as they're both above 90th percentile i will be very happy. i'm planning on getting all the apps done by mid-october so i can notify professors for recommendation. that part still makes me anxious because i know they'll remember me even less than last year? but i have to do it! i want to give enough time so i won't be stressed later on.

07 January 2014 @ 08:20 am
i missed an entire semester! there's not much to say about it really. in fall 2013 i didn't study abroad in istanbul because the classes there would have given me only 3 credit hours per class. instead i stayed on campus and took some awesome classes! nordic history, the history of muslim societies, american foreign policy after 1867. the last one was actually a boring class... but i also took a billiards class and discovered a love for ice skating. right now i'm on winter break and wil be back at school in about a week. i'm taking 5 (!!!) actual classes and will probably be mad busy keeping up with the readings.

but now the fun updates oh gosh. my family bought a ps3 and my sister and i have ben having a blast playing through the entire assassin's creed franchise as fast as possible during our breaks. i'm playing through ac4 now. the naval stuff seems pretty and easy but then i always end up in the middle of a storm surrounded by british naval patrols yelling "i just wanted this one!" -- but boy are the graphics beautiful! so seamless!


  • watching gameplays on youtube. so far i've watched twd, the last of us, the cat lady and i tried the horror game outlast. that... was way too scary. bioshock infinite is a lot more violent than i thought it would be too!

  • game of thrones is absolutely wonderful too! bbc sherlock season three started at long last. i've been watching it here.

  • calpico soft drinks (original and lychee)

i know i leave you with this

07 January 2014 @ 08:01 am
07 May 2013 @ 03:45 pm


4.25 buh

5.49 1+ hour later. washing two more loads of clothes. have i remembered anything that i've studied so far? only time will tell


9.20 teh dinind hall closed a 8 instead of 9. conspiracy theory: they are trying to starve us alland take out money

10.15 but seriously i will just study in the morning

10.32 just checked the syllabus and learned this final is 50% of my grade. shit just got serious up in here

10.50 when you only read materials before finals and belatedly learn that they are ACTUALLY INTERESTING, WHY DIDN'T I READ THESE DURING THE SCHOOL YEAR

2.14 roleplaying gay sex. the day ends like any other
06 May 2013 @ 07:50 pm

Songwriters: SVANANGEN, EMIL

Last Night I took my bike to the airport surroundings, I got caught by the lights, they were trembling in blue. And my skin was cool and my heart sang, and when I said to myself that I will never go down. When I got lost the last time, I wasn't feeling at all. I wasn't feeling at all. I wasn't doing no good. I had a hole in my heart. I had no blood to my head. Yes I was going so low that I was gonna give up.

And you, you were all that I wanted you were all that I wanted

I took the fastest way down when I surrendered this time, I wasn't feeling no good I took the easy way out. The last pain got away when I gave up myself, I bought a ticket to hell when I met up with you. I wasn't doing no good. I had no work to be done, and the money I earned wouldn't end up too soon. So I had the time to do wrong, I had the time to go on. I've got a hole in my head and a hole in my heart.

And you, you were all that I wanted. You were all that I wanted.
04 May 2013 @ 08:46 pm
IRON MAN 3!!!!!

Current Mood: ecstaticecstatic
02 May 2013 @ 03:53 pm

at work today a professor ad me scanning all of her stuff, but then she let me take a copy of excerpts from Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. hehe i can't wait to read it along with my Kafka's The Castle and all of the books i bought at the MIT book sale. The Land of Too Much  and Dealing with Dictators seem particularly tasty. mmm nonfiction
02 May 2013 @ 12:24 am
this is sadly the most impulsive thing i've done in a really long time.

today at lunch i spotted Chino leaving the dining hall holding a longboard. he was in the same snowboarding class that i took earlier in the semester. i later learned that he also took rock climbing with my roommate. i secertly think he dos everything but this has yet to be confirmed. anyway, i nodded to him on the way in because i was hungry as heck... i had just purchased a longboard a couple weeks ago and thought it was neat that a fellow novice snowboarder apparently made the same snowboarding to longboarding conclusion that i did! so i texted him like "do you longboard" and he responded with "Yes, I do have a longboard" and for some reason that answer made me really anxious because like. i saw his longboard so i knew it was his already?? the last texting convo we had ended weirdly and concerned prostitution??? but i bravely forged on and we texted about boards and brands and stuff, then he invited me try it out on the esplanade with him later on. I ALMOST BACKED OUT BECAUSE WEIRD AMOUNT OF ANXIETY AND ALSO ESSAY but in the end i sucked it up and walked the esplanade and fake talked on the phone to ease my nerves. but then i couldn't find him because its the fucking esplanade and i was so bluh but then he rolled up and i was like okay cool.

i forgot to ask what the name of his board was but it was a sector 9 pintail. the one he rode was super flexy and turny. it took a while for me to get my balance on my front foot and i think my stance was too wide! but it was a lot of fun! i never walked the esplanade and gosh it is beautiful and busy. people jog and bike. i may have endangered one or two people by veering into oncoming traffic. no bugs, few cracks, the charles and a sunsetting on cambridge on the opposite bank. we chatted lightly the whole way and i couldn't go very fast. we paused at a small harbor thingy and sat in a chair for like 2 mins, then went to a small slope rampy thingy and went down. i didn't fall! then we went back because essay.

it was great

i went back and told roommate about it and she made this series of "aww"s that were starting to imply weird stuff. stop. i'm too asexual for that. i'm used to my guy friends from high school and my cool bu friends like brandon, ray, bo, etc but i still feel social expectations sometimes here in college that just makes me feel anxious.
i think anxiety is a heavy theme today
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
i have a bit of work to do. my essay on the boston public library just needs some final edits and a bibliography and then i'm done. as for the 10 page paper on american exceptionalism... i have one and a half polished pages.. single spaced! aha! almost there!!

i've been feeling pretty lonely so far. i know this is how i feel when i'm stressed but it's still not a great feeling. i want someone to be close to and stuff *kicks a pebble*

i've been watching community and just finished the 3rd season. i'm going to try to hold off at least until reading week starts up in a couple of days. i've also been thinking more about what i want to do after undergrad school and i have no idea anymore! i thought about continuing history or doing a masters in IR instead, but i'm also interested in physical geography and environmental policy/sustainable development. i've never taken an econ class in my life so i feel like i'm not very prepared to pursue it... for now i'll see if i can take a micro or macro class next fall. then i'll read some magazines and journals over the summer to learn more about the field!
26 April 2013 @ 12:38 am

jon stewart. that is all. have a lovely day.